| Hooray hooray, it is a finishment! |
[19 Jan 2007|09:04am] |
Well, it took me all night, but I've just finished ploughing through the last two summative assessments I failed to get done at sane points in time. Blessed, blessed relief. Back to the routine, I guess... I'm not doing too badly so far, only missed one lecture this week, and even made it to Sci-Fi for the first time this year. Maybe I'll even get a satisfactory grade sometime this term! Wouldn't that be something, eh?
I don't know why I'm not miserably tired... it'll never last. If I stay awake through all of my lectures today it will be a welcome miracle. Time to hit the caffeine, methinks. Be nice to each other, won't you?
Also, it seems there is sudden silence from certain quarters. I knew I should have kept you on your toes a few months longer.
There's cheeseburgers in Happyland, don'tcherknow.
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43 excellent ideas|  let's change the subject!
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| The Return to Familiar Procrastination |
[05 Jan 2007|04:13am] |
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My my, has it really been that long since last I wrote upon this God-forsaken canvas? Surely it must appear to the casual observer that I have simply vanished off the face of the internet in mysterious circumstances. Still, every history must have its dark ages, and we can only hope that this whimsical epistle will be the catalyst that ushers in a new era of erudition. For where would we be without hope, eh?
I shall resist the temptation to write "keep hoping" and melt wraith-like back into obscurity, as I am far too bored to stop typing.
Half a year is a long time to summarise, but I'll do my best, whilst hopefully maintaining this arrogantly eloquent turn of phrase I appear to have adopted. Doesn't it just make you feel that high? What a despicable young fellow I am, to be sure.
Returning to the subject at hand, I last updated at the beginning of the last summer holidays. During that holiday, I worked as a catering assistant at Pontin's. Never go there, trust me on this. That ostrich still gives me nightmares... entertaining children is no excuse for unnecessary tutus.
The Michaelmas term has been mostly uneventful. An interesting young lady has taken it upon herself to begin worshipping me as a god, I know nothing on my course, I passed a placement interview and I once got so stressed I broke a pencil, but other than that I'm mostly a good-for-nothing student waste of space. Which is as things should be, of course.
Congratulations on reaching your century, also. You know who you are.
There were of course trips to the Trafford Centre once more, and webs upon webs of deceit. Satellite navigation proved amusing, directing us with aplomb to a dead-end back alley in Rusholme and declaring proudly "You have reached your destination". Stupid ferry-obsessed computer. The film had too many bees, but the Commissioner looked like my uncle.
I also went out in Southport for the first time ever for Venkat's birthday. We all got rascally drunk, an experience I then repeated on New Year's Eve in the presence of my family. There were then games, and evenings of cheese, and parties, and Zelda, and mustard and another jumble of stuff I can't recall well enough to give more than a cursory nod to.
I have taken up embroidery, bought a guitar with pink trimmings and been named an honorary gay best friend. Wanna make something of it, punk?
I am now back in Durham in the vain hope I might get some work done. Gad. That was all a very inadequate summary, but that's what you get when you rush me. I mean really... six months is hardly any time at all.
Be well, dears.
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3 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| Demands on all sides! |
[28 Jun 2006|08:29am] |
Since my return, I have overslept a lot (sorry again, Heather!) due to being useless. However, the nature of this update is one of succumbing to peer pressure and recounting events of a rambunctious nature, for my only two fans. So here goes:
I had been disturbed of late by a series of enigmatic telephone calls from the mysterious Dr. Deep, his dulcet tones informing me of an upcoming abduction attempt. I was concerned... was this a run-of-the-mill ransom job, or something altogether more sinister? Never one to take risks I prepared my fiendish defences. However, the deadly agent known only as Venkat took me totally unawares by arriving half an hour late following an impromptu trip to Crossens, and in my staggered state I was no match for his kidnapping prowess. In a mire of deceit we pulled into Ormskirk with the nefarious intent of apparently capturing Dr. Deep also! Despite my attempts at warning, he was taken... but this plot runs thicker, my friends, for it swiftly became apparent that the notorious Dr. Deep himself had masterminded this foul scheme. A prisoner to their machinations and strapped into their terrifying contraption of death, I was carried at speed to locations unknown. Suddenly, a pothole! We ducked, we dived, we swerved, we swooned, we turned up the volume of the latest Bollywood soundtracks and with a squeal of tires we were once again away.
My spirit broken by this heart-stopping transit, I was dragged for the third time into a showing of Bollywood's finest cinematic art. "Fanaa" it was called, or "Destruction" in the tongue of Albion. The subtlety of this devilsome duo's evil clearly knew no bounds. I was subjected to the romantic maneuverings of a blind girl and a terrorist for many hours with nought but fetid Pepsi Max for sustenance, but my will was strong... even when the girl, her sight restored, was forced to shoot her lover through the back of the kneecap, tears did nary daub my corneas.
Disgruntled at my indomitable will to survive, the gruesome twosome bundled me back into their vehicle. Depositing Dr. Deep in the Kirk of Orms, Venkat began working on his own fell scheme, and to Crosby I was carried. The Birkey was our destination, where I greeted many of my former fellows. My silent attempts to inform them of my captivity went either unnoticed or unheeded and they merely put me to use as an information source. In my weakened state I was forced to reveal the true number of muses and the location of the tympanic membrane, yet still I kept to my bosom the secret of the Bouquet Garni, for which innocents the world over can be eternally thankful.
In time, Venkat abducted from the streets a further two compatriots, followed by another abducted straight from his own doorstep on the cusp of his bedtime! All were subjected to the horrors of the "nightdrive" and were shaken severely. With the last of my strength I mustered a diversionary tactic allowing the others a chance to escape, but I was still trapped and far from home.
Luckily I was able to outwit the agent and managed to gain control of his vehicle. I wrestled it through the darkened streets and hurled myself free upon reaching home, whereupon the one known as Venkat retreated to lick his wounds. He will be back. But I will be here. Waiting.
Actually, the film wasn't bad and I had lots of fun. This isn't to avoid causing offence, just too make the imposed 600 word limit. Which is about... here.
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100 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| Honey... |
[24 Jun 2006|05:55pm] |
I'm HOOOOOOOME! Get over here and make me less bored. Prove to me that my friends are the best people in the world, both in and out of Durham. And do it now, or taste my wrath.
That reminds me, let me know by some means if you don't have my new(er) mobile number, I keep forgetting to give it to people.
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10 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| Stuff that happened |
[19 Jun 2006|03:35am] |
I'm a ref. I wield ultimate power. So there.
Saturday's adventure was successful, I suppose. Filled with undead goodness and a graveyard and two (count 'em) antiparties. There were written briefs and everything.
Then boat social. I wasn't nearly drunk enough, but shouted a lot anyway, employing innuendos and contracts and other shit. Here is a picture of me ( draped in females ) at the Geeksoc social in question. Later there were White Rabbits and Disney music at Grey.
Then I walked home in the rain and slept through Sunday.
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4 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| Shenanigans |
[16 Jun 2006|02:47am] |
Well, I went to Shenanigans (Maelstrom event). It was so very very good and glorious... I actually got to perpetrate a small amount of stabbity death this time around, and it looks like I'm becoming a theurge and assistant emissary to Mill-en. So hooray! It was really good, but difficult to express... also insanely hot. Damn weather, thwarting me at every turn.
It's been an interesting week thus far since then. I have been fully initiated into the world of tabletop RPGs. There was an impromptu midnight session at Sean's house where we played Warhammer Fantasy RPG and I played an obsessive-compulsive dwarf scribe working for a travelling elf whore and her aged dwarf labourer sidekick. Oddly enough, I was the only person playing my own gender... but anyhow, it was all very hilarious and I got beaten up a lot, shot, covered in horse blood and ink and incompetently healed ("I think that wobbly bit's meant to go on the inside...). Following that I borrowed the main D&D texts, spent a day learning the rules then began running a Star Munchkin campaign, starring Hank Gravitas, Space Ranger - an intensely ugly mutant midget - and his sidekick Sphinx, a very short feline gadgeteer with diamond teeth and an inferiority complex. Also Hank's ex-girlfriend, the bounty hunter Semolina, a green bumpy-headed alien seductress with TWO alter egos and a beer gas grenade. They stole a gun shop and many innocent bystanders and local law enforcement agents lost their lives. They're currently planning the theft of a spaceship.
I went to a DSU General Meeting to try to save the armoury from the train-wreck that is student politics. We were successful, ish. Huzzah for minor victories!
Also tonight's interactive was a blast as always. I uncovered a plot to hold the newspaper editor hostage, yay! There was much kerfuffle. Sure, so we beat up the editor a bit as well as the terrorist nixie. Things got confusing, y'know?
The week is set to get busier... tomorrow I am adventure-writing at 11, attending the TT OGM at 6 (and hopefully becoming a ref!) followed by bar crawl. Saturday, running aforementioned adventure all day followed by black tie Geeksoc joint boat social. Sunday, weapons practice followed by Writers' Forum followed by tutor group barbecue. It seems I am much in demand.
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3 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| Gimme a 3... gimme a Y... gimme a G... well, you get the idea |
[05 Jun 2006|11:32pm] |
3YGB. Four simple characters, so much glorious incomparable emotional flangey wonderful delicious joyous lyrical perfect exhausting deadly incredible immortal historical demonic shiny magical goodness.
SO FUCKING GOOD.
So good I can't even begin to explain it. Short version: I lost my hat, had a nervous breakdown, regained my hat, became immortal, lost the hat again, lost immortality, killed my brother, got the hat back, got the hat killed by a god, lost my life's work, got killed by another god.
The long version has experiments, demons, fates, feuds, rituals, immortal ancestors, gods everywhere, time, magical deserts, lies, deceit and trickery. But I'm sure no-one who speaks to me in person will escape the long version, so I won't waste time frothing here.
Most brilliant weekend of my life to date.
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2 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| I am a moron |
[19 May 2006|11:14am] |
Last night I went to bed under the impression that I had an exam today. I awoke at 6.30 am with that same impression upon my soul, and revised, had a shower, went to breakfast and happily strolled down to Maiden Castle.
Well, you guessed it, mateys. No, I wasn't in the right place. No, it wasn't the right day. Yes, I am a total numpty.
That is all.
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2 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| Aaaaah... |
[07 May 2006|04:01am] |
Oh. Oh, that was so good. So damn good.
TT Night Bash! Come dance with the Dreamers, my dears.
Such a happy time. Shame my overall mood is marred by my own moron... ism... ic... ness. Sometimes I hate being me. Not in the emo sense, mind you, but if I could just be that little bit more pro-active and less staggeringly lazy and useless I can't help feeling that the universe would be that little bit better. Basically, I still haven't started revising. And, as usual, instead of doing something about that (ie. revising)I am diligently forcing myself into a horrific situation and whining about it to anyone foolish enough to listen. Yes, I know, my whining is both poignantly simple and beautifully eloquent, but I wish it would stop. I am fully aware of the irony.
Curse my acute self-awareness and arrogant modesty. If only I weren't so damned intelligent.
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let's change the subject!
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| Easter Term Begins |
[29 Apr 2006|11:52pm] |
The term progresses well. I have attended, and remained awake through, all of my lectures this term... even the four straight hours in James Knott. Revision is yet to explode onto the scene in full capacity, but I am definitely feeling more confident about the exams despite the situation not actually having changed at all.
The band (I can't really call it Sinistral Affliction as we are rarely at full force) had a most excellent jamming session on Wednesday, where we couldn't stop messing around with echo effects. We also invented Radio Voice Procedure Trance and Conversation Jazz, to my mind both brand new genres of music. Truly we are not just pushing the envelope but shoving it roughly in the pectorals and going "Yer startin'?"
I played with some pretty fish in biology practicals. They were pretty and violent, like a boxing glove in a dress. I did not kill them.
I have a new CU Impact group at whom to mumble vague opinions about the Bible. I played Scattergories with them on Monday. In the true nature of Christian social gatherings everywhere, the biscuits were exquisite. In other college news, I have been shunted to the toastie bar reserve list due to being unreliable and useless.
As for Treasure Trap, we're back in business! I went to Jorvik and spent all the tribe's money on drink, whores and shiny fings, then came back in poncy clothes with a splitting headache and a fez. Then a whole bunch of us Orcs went out peasant-hunting. Total catch 12 dead peasants, 15 live peasants and a bear. We slung them on the ritual circle and ate them. A good time was had by all. There will be pictures at some point, not that I actually know how to post them on LJ... any guidance?
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8 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| All right, fine |
[24 Apr 2006|10:08am] |
BaddababaddababaddabaBOOOOM...
I have decided to stop deliberately taunting my fans and get on with this update. It could easily be massive, so I'll try to be brief.
Things I have done since my last update:
I went to Ken's house, where I got rascally drunk by drinking red wine and port out of an embossed leather tankard. I recall there being pigs in blankets, and remember maybe three seconds of Anchorman. And there was a football. And I saw many wondrous people (if a little out of focus... sharpen up your edges, darlings, it's terribly difficult to have a civiised chat when you're swimming through each other like that) including Kenneth hisself, Caroline, Adam, Chris, Bob Who Is Not Bob and David. I slept over and disappeared in the morning sunshine due to unforeseen circumstances.
And lo, I went unto the Centre of Trafford with Venkat, Subhadeep, another Adam and Sam. We went to see a film I cannot spell. I'll take a stab at "Shoddy see Pehle", which I know is wrong but it has the word shoddy in it. When we arrived, the film had not. I assume somebody was trying to save us from harm by waylaying the reel dressed in full highwayman costume, but sadly it all occurred too far away for us to see. We went to pizza hut to recuperate from our horrific rejection at the hands of the ticket clerk. I do so love the words "Self-Service Buffet", and not just because it sounds vaguely like a masturbation innuendo. Mmmmm, delicious. An Onanism of deep-fried crusty goodness. We then loitered around the shops like vandalous delinqueniscent adoliptents, fiddling with machinery and seeking 100% water. In the course of this a swarm of small irritants cried out "Hinds!" and surrounded me, bowing low like the slaves they will some day be. They assured me that my brother was gay, and hastened to add that their worship of me was purely sarcastic. I know they love me really, but frankly they're all a bit repulsive and I need their adulation like I need chronic piles. I told them I did not like them, I did not like them one bit, and in the face of my Dr. Seuss-like assessment of their characters they fled back to the pits of hell. Eventually the film arrived and we watched it. A comedy all about the hilariousness that is terminal cancer, in two simultaneous languages with badly-written subtitles. There were uproarious rhyming couplets just like the gangsters of yore used to spout in Kuala Lumpur, and multiple repetitions of such common English phrases as "Bloodyhellbloodyhellbloodyhell", "I'm so upset" and "Luca good, Luca bad, Luca not ugly!". It was a most enjoyable experience.
I also spent four days at my church's Easter Kid's Club, Pyramid Rock. I had to write and perform four short puppet sketches (AsparaGus is back, heck yeah biznatches!), and also play the greatest role yet of my theatrical career... Dr. Potty the mad archaeologist! I wore a labcoat, a wig, two scarves and a series of silly hats, and wielded a plastic spade. I placed my hallmark on the 30-Second Potty Dance, and sought out the Relic with the Missing Onion-Shaped Piece with consummate skill. On the last day I put aside the oversized Relic Detector and came down into the audience in character (Larping, anyone?). I was so popular... they chanted "We want Dr. Potty" over and over, then made me do a frenetic flag dance for Creme Eggs. They also stole my hair and made me sign autographs.
Then came Maelstrom. I went to New Bantustan for the weekend with the Defenders of the New Forge, where we sang many hymns in our allocated tent, and perpetrated very little violence. Father Yens was chased out of the country, but other than that we were terribly diplomatic. Other good things happened, but I must be careful with IC information as now the occasional larper may cast an eye over this journal.
There was a Final Meal at Ocean Plaza on Saturday, where Venkat, Subhadeep, Firman, Richard, Elliot, Chris, Sam and I all met and loitered in a car park for nearly an hour. Then we ate really big pizzas and watched two separate films. I watched American Dreamz (Dreams with a Zee...). It was amusing in places, but overall kind of a waste of a half-decent idea.
Well, now I'm back in Durham. I had to do work on the first day back because I "forgot" to do my lab reports, and that horrible tedious essay is yet to be begun. Still, it's good to be back. I went to bed last night thinking happy thoughts about how great my friends are and how much I actually quite like my course, then awoke with sunshine streaming through the window, ate a bacon sandwich and bimbled up to the science site with an immense feeling of well-being and joy.
It'll never last.
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2 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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| Scorpions? |
[29 Mar 2006|03:11pm] |
I had a most bizarre dream last night. I was back in the cadets, and there was a hall of residence in a cliff which I had to climb to get to the bowling green... I was late for the parade and had to run after the marching column, which eventually reached a CGI ravine in which we had to fight invisible ninjas armed with throwing knives, crossbows and scorpions who kept hiding behind tank traps and garden sheds. I think it's a prophetic message about the coming ninja invasion. There will be no survivors.
On a lighter note, I'm working in the dental industry again. Without my relentless shovelling of veined acrylic thousands of decrepit old hags would still be toothless today.
I still need to get going with revision... what's my motivation?
Dammit, I really need a phone...
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2 excellent ideas| let's change the subject!
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[25 Mar 2006|07:45am] |
Well, I've been home for a few days now and completely forgot to tell anyone about it. This is because I am a mess. Examples: I spent all of Wednesday night watching "Strong Bad's Emails". I spent all of this night just gone listening to Tubular Bells, drinking whisky and attempting to work out what the hell Lorien Trust is all about. I slept for 14 hours on Thursday. I still haven't unpacked, due in part to an Irishman occupying my bedroom for several nights. My brain doesn't work. I am over two weeks behind in "40 days of Purpose". I'm bored and unsynchronised and bad-tempered and I'm complaining about it to the internet. Whoopee.
Anyshoe, all that aside, I shall hopefully rise from my permanent stupor by the start of the coming week and start working/learning/socialising. Drop me a line if you're back in the north-west, anybody! Not that I'll know seeing as I've lost my phone, but hey, it's the thought that counts.
I still owe several people duels.
Oh, and don't accept drinks from me unless you want to be Rohypnoled and wake up at a LARP event in a frilly shirt with a character sheet gaffa-taped to your forehead. I'm in a recruitment-drive sort of a mood. FROTH!!!
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let's change the subject!
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